Settling in....

I have something to admit.

This is a lot harder than I expected.

I mean, I knew it would be hard. When you move an average of every two years, you get use to the ups and downs and know what to expect emotionally, really. but this one has been difficult.

I underestimated the time and effort the settling would take.

seriously.

I think mostly it came from expectations. We wanted to come here, BEGGED in fact to come to indonesia. and maybe, even though that tends not to be my personality, I had some preconceived idea about what it was going to be like. I was excited about all this "time" I was going to have.

 yeah right!

let me tell you this.

Having house staff is a lot of work.

yeah, yeah, play the little violin for the sad sad girl who has someone to do the laundry and clean the house and help cook and drive you around and tend to your yard.

I know I know! it sounds awful.

but really, its difficult not to have the mindset of "never mind, Ill do it myself!" But I also struggle a lot in the beginning of not wanting to tell anyone what to do. I also carried a lot of guilt with relative salaries. We have so much, and it seems like we give so little, and that lead to some being taking advantage of, (which is a whole different post that I wont get into here)

Luckily I came to terms with somethings while we were back home over Christmas.
Im making some changes. It was tough and we made some changes but it was the right thing to do.

It might not be what I expected it to be, but it can, and will be better. I just have to
stop trying to hammer this square peg into the round hole, and enjoy the roundness in all its freakin time consuming glory!

life is such an unexpected anticipated journey!